Never Make Promises When You're Happy
The madness of making decisions when your nervous system feels good
yes, madness.
But does it have to be? Someone explained why one should never make promises when happiness is present. Avoiding disappointment if you agree to something that you can no longer do, or don’t have the capacity for. Sometimes we speak from enthusiasm over capacity, which tends to shift.
This is for the good-intentioned folks, not the ill-intentioned who say things they absolutely have no good heart to do.
And of course, this makes sense. It’s protective almost for the receiver. But can it also limit the ways we repair when we realize we are no longer able to fulfill said promise? I am arguing that in the moment when happiness is present, that is a good thing. Your nervous system, body, and heart are intentionally desiring something. Life also happens. You realize you can no longer attend the function, offer support, or be present for a call. That’s your humanity. The beauty is in changing your mind and holding space for the other individual to recognize and acknowledge your humanity.
Whether or not they are disappointed, while very real and understandable, it is also their choice. The subtle harm is that it teaches those who already shrink themselves to mute their joy, censor their excitement, or hold back their natural expressions to avoid letting someone down.
When we treat happiness as a state where we must be cautious or self-restrained, we unintentionally make ourselves small. We deny ourselves the fullness of our emotional lives.
Joy deserves to be lived. Completely.
Have you ever been invited to a party and RSVP, then realized you’re absolutely not in the mood to go? That happens to me OFTEN.
I feel good during the day, right? Drank my tea, meditated, touched some grass, prayed to God. Said yes to an invitation. Why not?
Later on in the day, after eating, working, or writing material, I sit on the couch and put on a show that’s really watching me. I have my outfit already prepared, but suddenly, I feel tired. It’s in that moment I realize, I am not going to the party I RSVP’d for days ago. The very brief moment of guilt turns into, I can change my mind. Respectfully, if it was an event I was personally invited to, I’ll send that person a message; otherwise, I allow myself to rest.
None of this is to say the other person won’t feel sad or disappointed, because that is very human. It’s to say, they should still respect what is very human to you as well - changing your mind.
Here’s another one.
Have you ever been asked out on a date, you oblige because you feel seen, then realized you’re not entirely prepared to begin dating? You were excited, mentally preparing to share a moment, even if it wasn’t to lead into anything more. But you also knew what that would feel like for you and decided not to put that person in that space, so you changed your mind. That is okay.
It’s all about communication. The shared humanity in navigating disappointment together. Whether you’re happy, angry, frustrated, confused, needing clarity, seeking more, sad, or relieved. Expressing your changed mind and holding space for a deeper connection in the other person, expressing their own honesty, is the doorway to clarity and emotional intimacy.
I live for those moments of connection.
The issue isn’t necessarily to never make promises when you’re happy.
It’s trusting that relationships are strong enough to hold the conversation that follows if real life shifts your excitement.
Healthy connections of all sorts should never require self-minimizing. They require honesty, clarity, emotional presence, and the courage to let both excitement and disappointment exist without losing each other in the process.
Journal Prompts: What am I afraid will happen if I disappoint this person? Am I shrinking myself or withholding excitement because of someone else’s potential reaction? Is this promise aligned with my current capacity or emotional space? Does this relationship allow room for both of us to be human?
Write it down. Spend 5 minutes releasing it. Meet yourself where you are.
Your revolution may feel quiet, but do it loud. Thank you for reading and supporting.
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Currently somewhere between who I was and who I’m becoming